It should have been different
by xXNattatouilleXx
Summary: [COMPLETE] Sometimes you think things could be different, and now Sara does. [GSR in the beginning then Sandle]
1. Chapter 1

**_Title: _**It should have been different

**_Rating: _**K+

**_Disclaimer:_** CSI, not mine! ((Still)) Imagination, mine totally my fault and responsibility!

**_Summary: _**Things shouldn't have happened this way, it should have been different. Sara & Grissom then Sara & Greg

**_Note:_** Came up with the idea after listening to a heavy dose of Snow Patrol. My way to get the **MISTAKE** of the producers back to normal- sorry GSR fans.

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It shouldn't be this way; I should be joyous, ecstatic. But I'm not; I'm the complete opposite to what I should be given the situation. 

Didn't I wish for it to be this way? Didn't I want this so desperately? But now it is here, I don't want it. I made a mistake, I'd never realised it before now, but it is a little too late isn't it?

I've always wanted Gil Grissom; he's intrigued me since I first met him. He is so unusual and cryptic; I wanted desperately to know how to make him tick. I loved everything about him; he just seemed perfect for me. He had a high regard of the job as a CSI and he seemed on a never ending quest to find all the knowledge he could. Grissom was always so withdrawn, he shut people out, and he didn't seem to comprehend simple human compassion. I always dreamt of the day when he opened up, let me in.

But it wasn't all it cracked up to be.

Grissom didn't make me feel as special as I hoped; he didn't seem to want it. It was cold, neither of us really knowing what was going to happen and what it would make us feel. I always thought that sleeping with Grissom would make me feel something new, a rush of excitement. But it didn't. I didn't feel anything I expected.

I didn't really feel anything.

Well, I didn't feel anything related to Grissom…

It was strange; I thought I'd feel this wild burning passion for Grissom. But it wasn't there, it had been when I first met him, but now… I think I may have extinguished it somewhere down the line; I'd have to retrace my steps to find out where. When the time was right for Grissom, it was past the time for me.

Now I sit on the edge of Grissom's bed, feeling ashamed of myself. I feel guilty, because I didn't know what I wanted. I thought that sleeping with him was what I wanted, but all the time my mind was elsewhere, thinking about someone else.

There it is again, that nauseating sensation in the pit of my stomach because I feel that I did something wrong. Grissom was able to open up to someone, forget about work and risk it all and I'm not even slightly grateful for it!

I get up and rush into the bathroom, and start retching. I'm disgusted with myself; this is not the Sara Sidle I'm supposed to be. I'm not meant to be feeling this way, so I splash my face with some cold water and look in the mirror, I look a state, and he'll be able to tell that there is something wrong.

I unlock the door, and lean on the frame watching him. He looks so peaceful and so content; maybe I've managed to unlock the hidden Gil Grissom? He rolls over muttering something about bugs in his sleep, that is typical of him. I stand there waiting that he's settled completely again before walking around the room, collecting my items of clothing where they had been discarded earlier.

"I'm sorry Grissom." I whisper more for my reassurance than his, "I just can't do this, I'm so sorry."

A feather kiss on the top of his forehead and I'm gone. I know what I have to do.

It should have been different. It should have been me going home with someone that has waited for me all these years. It should have been me turning Grissom away, it should have all been different.

I wish it was.

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**_A/N: _**Next part will be up soon... Promise you! 


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 2:_** It could have been different

**_Summary: _**It all could have been different for everyone, but it isn't.

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I couldn't believe it, my stomach dropped to my knees when I saw it and there was no way of denying it. Sara and Grissom, heading home together. It was enough to make my head spin, my world shatter and I'm not sure where I'm meant to go now.

Of course, I never actually thought that Sara and I could become a couple, which just seemed too far fetched and too lucky for me. But the thing was, I could still dream couldn't I? Because I thought, well, that Grissom had no interest in Sara. And while that idea was in my head… I dreamt that there was always this small possibility. But now Grissom on the scene, my dreams are quashed. It's simple; Sara will always choose Grissom over me.

At the moment there is a lot of stress on all of us, we've nearly lost Brass, and I can't imagine working the scenes without him. It sounds corny, but Brass was-is part of or team. The thing is, I can't believe how everyone has reacted differently because of this. Grissom and Sara have gone off to sleep with each other, Catherine is looking after Lindsey even more so now, Warrick is off with Tina and it's just Nick and I sat here. Everyone seems to have taken this differently; especially Grissom and Sara.

Why am I thinking about them? It makes me feel sick, not because my boss is probably undressing the woman I have lusted after for so long, no that makes me feel sick too. I think the thing that makes me most sick is, that Brass is in hospital, and all they can think of is running off to sleep with one another.

It's selfish, but I am too, because I'm thinking about how wrong it is and about how jealous I am. But it is just the wrong time, the wrong time.

I'm really wondering about what could have happened. What if things were slightly different? I know that things could have been different; they always can be if you think about it.

Sara was always after Grissom; she's finally got what she's wanted and I bet she won't even have given a second thought to me. I'm just the goofy lab-rat turned CSI, not exactly what Sara wanted, or asked for, I was the complete opposite. And I suppose I should have cottoned on ages ago that she wasn't interested in me, not at all. She shunned all of my advances, shot all of my hopes down and blocked me out. Our relationship was strictly friendship- nothing more.

But I was too stubborn to admit it, and now I'm shocked. I thought Grissom had turned Sara away before, I thought that there was no way, there were no signs! I suppose I was like Sara, grasping onto the straws just hoping for a chance. But Sara got her chance, I didn't.

Now she's found what she wanted, there is no going back, it's changed everything. I hope that she knows what is going to happen and what she's let herself in for. Sara is a smart woman, I bet she already has it mapped out in her head.

I hope that Grissom can make Sara happy, and make her warmer, bubblier to be around. And I hope Sara can teach Grissom about love and compassion. I hope that they can both give each other what they want.

There is no need for me to be trailing over these thoughts. After all I'm assuming things; although I'm almost certain that that is what happened. I can't get it out of my head, it's replaying like a CD stuck, just skipping back to the same part. A part I'd rather not see, know or even think of.

Sara… Grissom…

I have to keep it together. I'll just bounce back; there is no point being disappointed about what could have been.

Problem is- I am.

Everyone will notice that I'm acting strange as soon as I walk back in there. I won't be able to look Grissom in the eye anymore, I won't be able to try so hard to impress everyone because it is pointless and I won't be able to flirt with Sara anymore. No one else will be able to put two and two together; because I saw the puzzle pieces and put them together. Of course everyone else will slowly be able to assemble it, but I don't think anyone will see the full picture quite like I do.

Everything has changed now. It could have been different, but it's not. And nothing is ever going to be the same.

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**_A/N: _**Next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for all the great reviews too! I love the fact that people enjoy my stories!


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3: _**It would have been different

**_Summary: _**Everything may have changed, but no one is sure whether it should stay that way.

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I stir from my sleep, and it is one of my most contented nights I've had in a while. It makes me feel as if this was a clean start. And it only took one thing to change it all, Sara Sidle. She managed to turn this world around for me, and I don't think she will ever realise how grateful I am for that.

I swing my arm to where Sara was meant to be, but the bed was empty, that is not a good sign. I open my eyes, and look at the spot which is meant to have Sara in, but she's not there, so I sit up trying to calm myself. But it isn't working I'm immediately assuming that she's gone.

The clothes are though.

Oh no.

It was always a gamble sleeping with Sara; it was all brought on by not making the most of life, just because we nearly lost Brass. I decided to make things different, and I thought that everything would be different from now on. Except I overlooked one small thing; what if Sara didn't want this to happen? I was always so sure that Sara wanted it, after all those hints and after all that time.

Was I too late?

Of course, I was. I always seem to be years too late to actually grasp onto what I want. It is my nature, I don't know what I want or I don't want to take a risk until it is either nearly too late or too late. I've learnt to live with that, so I don't expect to ever get anything in the way of human compassion.

I prefer to excel in my career as a CSI and supervisor than in personal relationships, because in the end what does it equate to? You have nothing to really show for these things, whereas in work, you have something to show.

I have a thumping headache; I don't think I have been this confused since… Ever. After all I've never had relationship issues that seem to span this deep. This could affect everything, my working relationship with my team and Sara- in specific, my work and my disposition to everything.

I've taken a risk, I regret it, but I'm sure Sara has a reason for this. She always does, Sara has everything pinned out in her head, and she so down to earth and I can't do anything about it. I just have to admit that I opened myself up for her, she did the same. But I could tell that something wasn't quite right; there wasn't that spark that I had always expected.

Everyone always says that when you sleep with someone it is meant to be a magical moment. But I know there wasn't that magic between me and Sara. It was cold, emotionless like we've both been. And yet, we didn't admit it to one another. We hid, settling for second best in life.

If it were anything else, I know I wouldn't have settled. But for this relationship? I did settle, and I can't exactly call it a relationship, it went no further than my bedroom door, and so it didn't really mean anything. It was a one night stand almost, and we both realised a little too late that this was not what we wanted.

I didn't speak out, in fact it was all silence, it just didn't seem that we enjoyed it. And afterwards, we just settled, hoping that in the morning we'd wake up and somehow it would be all different. Alas, it is different, but not in a good way. I didn't want to confess to Sara that it wasn't what I expected, nor wanted. And I guess she felt the same and didn't want to confess either, so she made it easy, slipping off and she knew that I'd understand it.

I do understand.

So does Sara.

It is too late now, we've both done it. It is surely going to affect us all. Somehow I thought that Sara and I sleeping together would be different. But now… We've acted upon our whims, and looked at it knowing it wasn't right. I know now… It would have been different.

For everyone.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4: _**It is different

**_Summary: _**They all knew what they wanted, it was simple and that was the way it would have to be. Because Sara made it all different.

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Sara walked up to the apartment she knew was Greg's; he'd brought her here once before, she could remember why, but she could remember everything else about that time. All the smallest details that shouldn't be remembered; like how the carpet looked, how it smelled and what Greg owned. She'd never thought to why she remembered it so well, but now it made sense. She had recorded all the details in her mind subconsciously because she was fascinated by Greg.

Fascinated in how he was always so bright and happy, even when they were at a scene.

Fascinated in how he was always joking.

Fascinated in how he looked and acted.

Sara Sidle was just fascinated by Greg Sanders.

But she'd never admitted it… Before now she hadn't. It was only in getting what she'd wanted that Sara realised that wasn't what she really wanted. She just tried to convince herself that it was what she wanted; when her hearts greatest desire was Greg now… Not Grissom.

She rang the bell, and waited patiently, hoping that Greg was home. She'd gone home, tidied herself up and decided that this needed to be done.

There was no more hiding away.

"Hello." A raspy voice answered the intercom, and Sara smiled, he was home.

"Greg, its Sara, buzz me up ok?" She said trying to sound pleasant, although it came out slightly forceful.

Inside his apartment Greg was stunned; he didn't quite comprehend why Sara would be coming to see him. Unless, she knew that Greg had sussed it and was coming to smooth it over… And that was what Greg concluded.

"Sure." He grumbled, and Sara could tell there was something wrong. It wasn't like Greg to sound so down, even if he was half asleep.

She pushed the door open and bounded up the stairs; with some reserves of energy she didn't even know existed. Her heart was racing, but it wasn't for the unusual athletic display, it was because she was finally going to do something that she'd never done before. The nauseating guilt-ridden sensation was gone for the first time since she had slept with Grissom, instead there were butterflies doing loops in her stomach.

This was a new sensation… Even when Sara was still infatuated with Grissom, it had never been like this. Her pulse had never quickened, her breath had never hitched and the temperature in the room had never suddenly become warmer. It was new, and it was only because of Greg.

She knocked on the door politely, making sure she didn't look as nervous or as happy as she felt, it could give off the wrong waves.

Greg on the other hand did nothing to disguise his dreary mood, he could not be asked because his world had practically fallen down around him and now he had Sara coming to repair the damage. He didn't need it repairing, it just needed to make some sense and it never would to Greg, and it just seemed so confused. Sara didn't assist that dreary mood either by waking him up, just as he had settled and finally cleared that vision off his mind. He shuddered uncomfortably and opened the door to see Sara there, practically glowing.

"I'm so glad you are in Greg, we need to talk." Greg silently nodded and stepped aside for Sara to come in.

It was just as she'd remembered it, every detail the same- except there was slightly more clutter. She turned to see Greg stood there, watching and waiting for her explanation.

"Talk huh? What so important you come here to talk? And if it's about this whole Grissom and you thing, don't worry I won't say anything." He snapped bitterly, trying to suppress the tears that where threatening to overwhelm him now.

Sara's face fell, Greg had seen it… Greg knew… And Greg was upset…

This was all wrong.

"You saw that?" Sara managed to bring herself to say, keeping her resolve strong. She had come here to make her life different, to make her life right. But nothing was ever that smooth for Sara, she knew it, and now was proving to be the same. "Greg… I…"

"Of course I saw that!" Greg said his voice squeaking slightly. "It wasn't hard for me to get the clues, I am a CSI too you know."

Sara opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it. She shifted nervously, leaning her weight to one side, suppressing the urge of tears. This was going horribly wrong, worse than that, it was a disaster. She'd messed up; she'd manage to ruin two perfectly wonderful relationships the moment she stepped into Grissom's car.

She'd ruined the friendship with Grissom, and the possible relationship with Greg.

Maybe she was destined to never have a relationship that worked, that she wanted.

Maybe she was just destined to work her life away, and die alone, cold and empty.

Maybe this was what Sara deserved.

"I'm sorry Greg. I just thought I should tell you… That, Grissom and I… It was just a fling… But it made me realise… Just how much I want you." Sara said stumbling over her words, before letting the flood gates open.

The tears flooded down her cheeks, and the words settled into Greg. It just didn't seem true, it was one of his dreams again, and it had to be.

But Sara was surely enough standing there, tears carving away at her face and Greg wasn't sure what to do or say.

"You want me?" Greg asked just to make sure he had heard this right and Sara nodded slowly. "You sure?"

"Of course I'm sure Greg, why would I leave Grissom if I wasn't sure." She snapped, wiping the unshed tears from her eyes in haste. Greg smiled his lop sided grin, and Sara's heart warmed, and there was no need to cry- because she could see that everything was going to be fine.

He walked across to Sara, overwhelmed, and thinking about what he had said earlier.

_Sara would always choose Grissom over me._

But he was wrong; Sara had chosen him over Grissom and he felt like the luckiest man alive.

He looked into her eyes, and there it was, the woman he'd been waiting for and it was worth it. And for Sara there was that feeling, that sharp electrical pull.

And the moment their lips touched, Sara knew it…

She'd done the right thing, there was that pull, that passion that hadn't been there with Grissom. And she knew that this moment, that from then on… It was new, and it is different.

Different for her and Grissom, they knew there was nothing there, unlike before when there was possibilities. Different for her and Greg, there was no need to dream because it was happening. And it was different for everyone else, because Sara was happy.

And none of what happened to get them here mattered.

**_The End_**

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**_A/N:_** Thanks to all you kind people that reviewed this story... It's been my first full flowing Sandle fic! Hope you all enjoyed... And keep checking back with me... Cause I'm not stopping my Sandle writing here... Oh no... Plenty to come:p 


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